Happy Holidays!

Wow, another year gone!  It’s amazing how time moves so quick, you’d think it had a jetpack or was strapped to the back of a cat running away from a Christmas sweater just before a photoshoot.  Speaking of Christmas sweaters, this year I got Button into one!  The first thing you’ll notice about our photo this year is we’ve clearly had a drop in photo quality.  Unfortunately, we weren’t able to book the same photographer as last year for reasons relating to “Injuries” and “A Potential Lawsuit” and “You’re not even paying me for this.”  But I’m resilient.  I’m not going to let a pesky thing like bodily harm stop me!  And besides, there’s nothing a pair of welding gloves, a chainmail sleeve, horse tranquilizer and years of therapy can’t fix!  My roommate helped a bunch too!  (You’ll be missed, Tony.)

I think really she was upset I got her the tiny dog version of it.  And it made her look remarkably overweight.  It didn’t complement her eyes.  So naturally, she had to give me several warning swipes across my face.  There was a small altercation, but I hear chicks dig scars.  If that’s the case, then Button is just the greatest wing-cat ever!  I’m just hoping chicks dig dudes with PTSD, too!

Things are shaping up at the brewery and we’re finally opening the doors!  It’s been a long arduous process.  We finished training our staff of over 40 employees last week. I showed up to every training session with same uniform, but a new set of scratches on my face.  In a town riddled with crack heads, no one seemed to take a cursory look.  I like to think Button is just trying to help me accessorize!  

I really wanted to send you all a video of us wishing you season’s greetings, but I’ve been told I’m banned from “video media.”  Apparently Button knows some Morse Code and apparently I was accidentally blinking “T-O-R-T-U-R-E” the last time.  The good news is Button is forgiving and a man can only be completely broken once.  I’m just glad to be sleeping indoors again!

My niece, Wren, is wonderful and lovely and amazing, and we love her but thankfully Alison and Jason did NOT have another child.  All this “having your life together” and “procreating” and “being adults with adult lives and adult goals” and “buying property” certainly isn’t helping the rest of us siblings.  From both Sam and I, we thank you.  That said, if you could have a domestic dispute or get a DUI or both, we’d really appreciate it.   It’d help even things a little bit so Mom and Dad stop giving Sam and me that pitying look.

Where was I?!  Oh yes, Christmas!  If you’re looking to send me or Button presents, please don’t!   I’ve convinced Button that everyone on the planet is broke and doesn’t have money to afford to buy her things like the Mouse Farm she’s always wanted or that Kitty’s K9 Uzi or wet cat food.  If you’re thinking of me, thank you!  If you are A+ or O blood types, donate it to your local blood donation center!  Especially if you’re in Southern Oregon.  Cat wounds can be pesky little things that don’t close properly.  The good news is I got some great sleep after shooting for our Christmas card.  Who knew fainting from blood loss could feel so restful?

Well, that’s all we have time for.  I’ve got an appointment with my psychologist I have to get to.  We’re really making some breakthroughs.  Stockholm Syndrome is a tough nut to crack!


Nick + Button

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