By Dickless Flakeslee
Macho King Randy Savage is hoping to add President to his title, this coming election. In a theatrical turn of events for this 2016 election, former wrestling star Macho Man Randy Savage announced he’ll be running for President.
“We feel this is the best opportunity for Mr. Savage to become President.” His spokesman said last Tuesday when the news came out. “The candidates are as bad as they come, and we’re hoping Mr. Savage will be a de facto choice.” When asked about the state of Macho Man Randy Savage’s health, his publicist refused to comment.
No news has come out on who Mr. Savage plans to choose as a running mate as a Vice President. Some sources have alluded to Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger as a good running mate as their bicep sizes are similar.
More unconfirmed rumors indicate that Xenu—Dictator of the Galactic Confederacy responsible for the genocide of 75 million with hydrogen bombs—wants to mix things up from the usual Scientology and run along side Mr. Savage.
“At this point,” Mr. Savage’s publicist hinted, “We’re looking into Harry Potter. The youth seems to love him, and right now we’re trying to get the young vote.”
Mr. Savage’s doctor refused to comment when asked about the former wrester’s health.
“Too hot to handle!” Mrs. Clinton shouted when asked about Macho Man Randy Savage’s bid. “Too cold to hold!” When asked what those things meant, she only responded with, “I’m Hillary Clinton, and I’m in touch with today’s youth.”
The wrestler is reported deceased, after a fatal heart attack in 2011. But this doesn’t mean the end of their political run.
“We’re confident the people of America would rather have a deceased but beloved wrestler than what they currently have to choose from.” His spokesperson said.
When asked how she felt about the new wrestler in the ring, Hillary Clinton commented, “Ohhhhh Yeahhh!” Her publicist followed up on Twitter with pictures of her wrestling, with the words: Hilary Clinton has cared about wrestling since before it was cool.
Donald Trump wasn’t available for comment, and hasn’t been available to interview since he backed out of his proposed wrestling match between the three candidates.
Many things are left unanswered, namely how they plan to run a Presidential bid with a deceased candidate. Much is to be seen in the upcoming election, but voters can be rest assured: they finally have a candidate they can get behind.
Dickless Flakeslee is a writer for BloggersBloggospherBlogSpotBlog. He’s been writing for three months, but feels entitled to his opinions the same way a spoiled brat feels entitled to a BMW 5 series on their sweet sixteen birthday. He has no idea what he’s talking about, but that doesn’t matter: he’s paid for a domain name and has a flashy-ish website that makes him seem professional. And for the rest of the world, that’s enough.